Give us our wives back, Stefenie Meyer!!!!

My wife has recently been held captive by Ms. Meyer in book form. She’s been reading the Twilight series for months now. It hasn’t taken her that long to finish them; she goes back and reads them over and over again. She says she’s “putting pieces of the puzzle together” and she finds more ’secrets’ each time through. I’m frequently part of a conversation that involves issues like “who do you think is cuter in real life, Jacob or Edward?” (Apparently the answer is Edward.) The basic genre/format of the book, according to Kristi, involves a high school-like romance involving vampires, werewolves and normal people. Oh, and love. Don’t forget love. Lots and lots of love. Apparently there are struggles when you fall in love with a vampire and are friends with werewolves but I have no idea what they would be other than keeping your friends from trying to kill you all the time. Given the description, here’s what I see in my mind when I try to picture what these books are really like: I see the cast of Disney’s High School Musical with fangs and really pale skin. They go around biting people and falling in and out of love, turning into bats, fighting and getting back together with an occasional appearance of Michael J. Fox as Teen Wolf. Maybe he’s surfing on top of a moving van, maybe not, but he’s definitely the star of the basketball team. I haven’t decided if there’s dancing and singing or not. But there is for sure a lot of eye rolling from me and probably every other man whose wife has been claimed by these books. Curse you, Stefenie Meyer, and your cunning literary snares!!!